This time, the above quote is not from a child but from ME! Or, it used to be.

Before marrying, I went if I wanted or I stayed home if I wanted. It was totally my decision. After marrying, the process was still pretty much the same but my husband’s opinion mattered too but at least it was 2 adults together making the decision to “go or stay?”.

But once kids arrive then there are many times when that decision is totally out of your control.

Even the most exciting, most anticipated, most treasured, waited-for plans can get thrown out the window when you have a sick child.

In the early years, this was very hard to accept. I could often be heard whining, “But I want to go!” I’d sulk, pout, feel sorry for myself. Looking back, I feel a bit ashamed but realize it is a whole process of turning the attention from self to others and a baby gives you no choice in the matter so you are forced to adjust. Ultimately, this is a good thing. Babies force us to be less self-focused and start thinking about what is best for someone else.

Its gotten much easier to accept a change of plans over the years. If fact, it has now happened yesterday AND today. Yesterday was the only day of the week in which I could stay home and not travel into Rapid City. That changed after a sleepless night with a 4 yr old with an ear infection. So off the Rapid, to MD, then to Walmart for antibiotic. Later, I was called to school to pick up my older son. And after another sleepless night there is no way he could go to school today due to a fever and throwing up so I’m home instead of going to my morning study group and running errands. But its gotten easier over the years to just call a friend and say, “I can’t be there today, sick kid, can you pick up a lesson for me?” Other moms understand.

My advice to new moms in this situation:
1. Try not to be mad or depressedd. If stuck at home there still might be a chance for you to make a phone call to a friend for a chat or live messaging/skype, etc.

2. Remember, this time won’t last forever. Missing a social event won’t have a lasting impact but giving of yourself to your child will have a lasting impact in your life and your child’s life.

3. When you child is well again, celebrate a bit and plan a fun outing. Shed the martyr complex as soon as possible.

Have a great day…whether you are going out and staying in.

Mom of 4

What is it with kids?? Sometimes I wish I had X-ray vision to look into their ears, throats, chests, and sometimes even their heads!!

I guess the answer is….”Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” The opposite is probably also true: no will, no way.

My 4 1/2 yr old is currently running a low fever, coughing tons, and sounds so congested but when anyone mentions playing outside then “I’m not sick!” and out he goes. Same goes for playing games and rough-housing in the the house.

But when I tell him to do a small task…”I’m sick mom”. Also, whenever his mind thinks about the gooey, pink, bubble gum medicine or a cough drop then its “I’M SICk….I NEED MEDICINE”. Same for when I put food in front of him, “I’m stuffed” and he hasn’t eaten a thing. Then I know he’s really sick.

Today while in town running to kids’ activities, my poor little guy couldn’t get along with anyone. He was having one meltdown after another. Yep, he’s sick. I even cancelled my evening committment to help in the church nursery because my sick son needed to be home and rest. We get home and he’s happy as a lark, running around, (coughing) but playing full speed. Ah, the amazing power of ibuprofen!

There was a time when I was asked what I would chose for my super-human power if I could. I would answer: to be able to see into my kids’ inner ears and see if there really is an infection there or not. How many doctor’s visits it would’ve saved me; especially before my kids were able to speak and describe how they were feeling.

But, we do the best we can. Yes, there have been times when I’ve gone out with sick kids that really should’ve stayed home. And there’s also been times when I’ve cancelled activities and stayed home with a “sick” kid who really just ran and played all day despite symptoms. We just all do the best we can.

Now with school-aged kids, my rule for missing school is my sick kid must have a fever, active vomitting, and/or diarrhea. Feel tired? Sorry, you’re going to school. Stomach ache (but none of the above)? Sorry, get your shoes on. Only a little headache? Sorry, get into the van. Oh, big spelling test today? Let’s get going! If my sick child enthusiatically agrees that they desparately want to get back into bed, sleep, and stay there all day….then maybe they really are sick (with above-mentioned symptoms). Then he/she stays home and stays in bed.

Earlier this school year the school secretary called to say my 2nd grader had thrown up twice and was in the school office sick and needing to be picked up. “OK, I’ll be right there.” Once I arrived and visited more with her I learned that a classmate had thrown up the day before and went home sick. (The seed was planted.) Then she said she heard him in the bathroom and didn’t really think he had indeed thrown up; his classroom teacher confirmed this story. So….what to do. I decided not to infer my child as a faker or a liar in public but let his teacher know I’d be taking him home and dealing with the situation at home. Once home, we sent him straight to bed. After a few minutes, he was asking when he could come out and we said not until dinner. Now, the wailing began. Long story short: when asked why he couldn’t come out we told him the truth and said, “If you really are sick, then you really need to rest. If you aren’t really sick then you need to be a little miserable so you never pull this situation again.” He got the message.

Now, before you think we are horrible, mean parents. There came another time when called from school saying “your son was seen throwing up on the playground…he’s looks gray…come, pick him up.” So we did. He went willingly to his bed but in about an hour or so he looked and felt much better so we let him up and out to play. His condition of not feeling well really just needed an outlet (hence the throwing up) and then his system really did feel better. We could tell the difference.

Thank God we learn from our experiences and always try to do what is best for our children. They really are precious gifts even when they are spewing cold germs left and right with nonstop coughing. I better go and check on my youngest and see if the ibuprofen is wearing off yet.

Mom of 4

I feel bad that it’s been almost a month since my last post but the last 3 weeks have been far from anything we would’ve expected. It’s for these same reasons that I regret to let everyone know that I may not be writing for the Home Work blog any more. I have really enjoyed my time here but location may become an issue.

Am I in trouble? no. Will I be without internet access? no. Will I be moving across the state in a short amount of time? Yes!

My husband was getting restless at his job and wanting more out of life but we didn’t see much chance for movement with his current company. He had applied for and been offered a job with a different company and we felt that was what he was supposed to be doing. It was weird that we’d both feel that way considering that it was a position that would leave us living in the same location but he would be travelling more than he’d be home most of the year, but yet our hearts told us he needed to take it.

He went to give his notice to his current boss and when boss saw/heard the reasoning he asked him if he was really wanting to move up in the company and really ok with moving out of the area. Confused at first, he answered yes to those questions. That’s when his boss told him that there was a supervisor position open in the Sioux Falls area. He told him to think about it, talk to me and let him know. There was no waiting until he got home, he called me on the way and we talked about it until he arrived and then we talked some more. We each said a few prayers and did some soul searching and both felt very strongly that that is what we were really supposed to be doing. His boss hadn’t told anyone out here about the position because he didn’t think anyone would be interested or want to move so if my husband hadn’t gone in to give his notice we still wouldn’t have known.

He called and told his boss he was interested and from there is kicked things in to serious motion. This was on a Wednesday, the next 3 days were filled with calls between him and a couple of big-wigs. The following Tuesday one of the guys came out to talk to him in person and made the official job offer at that time. That Friday we headed out to go scout the Sioux Falls area and see what areas we were comfortable living in and to start looking at a few houses to get more ideas. We never expected to find the perfect house on the first day of looking.

One of my brothers lives out there as well as a few friends who’ve migrated that way before us. We had made some calls ahead of time to get ideas of areas to avoid and opinions on different things to consider (schools, access to main roads, quiet neighborhoods, safety). We were also very lucky to be able to stay with my brother during our time there.

While there our house here in Rapid went on the market and within 40 minutes of being listed we had 2 calls to look which gave us real hope. We also never expected that a week later we’d have an accepted offer on our house here already as well as an accepted offer on the house there. At this point we were 2.5 weeks in from first finding out about the new position.

Right now we are just waiting for all of the fun loan stuff, inspections, requests for more papers from a bank or realtor on either end of the state. We are set to move the last weekend of April and are very excited and nervous at the same time to do it. This has all happened so fast that I feel really disorriented but we agree that it needed to be this way because if it had taken longer we probably would’ve found a way to talk ourselves out of it and stayed where we weren’t as happy.

I don’t know if I will have a chance to write much more before we go but I will do my best. I would love to be able to stay on but the idea of this blog is for stay-at-home parents in the Rapid City and Black Hills area and I just won’t fall in that catagory any more. This is going to be such a big adjustment for all of us, my kids and I have lived here our entire lives and my husband has been here for all but the first 5 years of his.

Guess it’s time to come up with a new screen name too…..
Blackhillsmommy

Some days I feel that way, nameless. I get called anything but my name really and the list tends to include things like Mom, Mommy, Hun, Babe, and pretty much any form of screeching will get my attention. It’s not my favorite thing but yet I wouldn’t trade anything for all the sweet “mommy”’s that I hear during the day, it just seems to be rubbing off on the rest of my life because for the life of me I can’t seem to remember to sign my blogs. *doh!* So I’m going to do my best from here on to at least retain my ID/name so everyone knows who’s writing what on here.

blackhillsmommy

My husband and I were introduced to Dave Ramsey’s books and show a little while back and slowly started implementing the things he taught to attain and lead a debt free life.

It’s not easy, let me tell you! it’s a complete, and permanent if you want it to last, lifestyle change but is so worth it. We had managed to achieve it once before and that was how we were able to move to a bigger house and why I’m able to continue staying home with our girls. After moving though his job changed just enough, we were still adjusting to our new bills/expenses, the expenses tied to moving to a larger house and furnishing,decorating and organizing it the way you want to, all followed by holidays and growth spurts by all 4 of the kids, some things happened that we didn’t care for.

We used a credit card that had been kept out of fear. Fear of needing it at some point and not having that available to us. It’s an unrealistic fear if you actually follow all of Dave Ramsey’s steps but like most of America we had been convinced we needed them to survive. Then to top it off we had some unexpected doctor bills occur that weren’t covered by our insurance (of coruse we knew there would be bills from the Dr., they were just more then we’d planned and less was covered by our insurance then we’d figured).

Well, as of today they are all paid off again! It is such a good feeling. We now have our budget set again based on our new bills and our savings is back on track so there are no more excuses. I called today and cancelled that nasty credit card and all other parties have been paid-in-full (one was even over paid in my excitement LOL oops!).

Now we have our long term goals to work towards. Based on our calculations, barring any unforseen events, our new mortgage will be paid off in almost 1/2 the time the loan is actually for. We will have both our small and large emergency funds complete within about 2 years. We will start our long term investments of 10-15% of our income as soon as all of the emergency funds are complete. It all can seem very daunting but it’s going to be so worth it when we are COMPLETELY debt free right about the time our kids are all grown and getting ready to start out on their own adventures and we can travel and do the other things we havne’t been able to at this point.

Be in control of your own family and futures by taking control of your finances today.

This will be short and to-the-point.

Why is mom always the time-keeper for the entire family???

Is this true in your house?

It seems only mom knows the schedule for each person, how long each activity takes, and how far in advance to tell each person to get moving.

Before we leave the house for an activity: kids dressed appropriately, teeth and hair brushed, accessories packed (ie basketball uniform or piano books), snacks packed (a must have), make sure the youngest actually has socks on (can’t take his word for it), and make one last call for a potty stop for everyone. But still it seems mom is the one saying “hurry up”, “get it done”, “get to the car”, “don’t you know what time it is?” etc, etc.

Often times I’m doing this on my own but even on the times my husband is there he just doesn’t seem to feel the urge I do of watching the clock and staying on time. For him, leaving at 2:30 pm means that at about 2:15 pm he starts getting ready. But for me, I’ve already started with kids at 1:30 pm. Doesn’t he know that 4 other little people need help and supervision and training too?

We are in a busy season right now with 3 kids in Upwards Basketball, which is why I’m feeling more stress about this right now. And if you recall, my husband is gone 4-5 days a week for his work.

Anyone want to comment on your house?

Mom of 4

A mom just recently asked me how I felt about having kids closer together in age.

I won’t go into why we desired to have our kids closer in age than others but I do think there are many benefits. Of course, with any situation there are also challenges but for now I’m thinking about the positives.

Our 2nd child came 16 months after our 1st; then our 3rd child came 22 months after our 2nd; then our 4th came 19 months after our 3rd. So we don’t just have 2 kids close in age as many families do, we have all 4 of our children close in age.

So…..benefits.

Right now at ages 9, 8, 6, and 4 1/2, I think the greatest benefit is being able to always do things together as a family. Their interests and ability levels are fairly close together.

Last Friday night we went rollarblading at the Keystone Community Center. While our youngest just learned to skate around the rink by himself for the first time; our oldest still thinks this is a really cool activity. Our choice of a movie for “family movie night” is usually cheered by all the kids. And today….we took all the kids outside to teach them how to pick up doggie-doodoo. We answer questions around the table during dinner which are of interest to all of them.

So when I say “the gang’s all here” that is usually a literal interruptation. Usually its all 4 kids together in whatever ever our activity is.

So let’s end today on a happy note. Its great having kids close in age!

Do you agree?

Mom of 4

I had been toying with the idea of quitting daycare but just couldn’t bring myself to do it. The extra money is nice and I really do enjoy kids so it was not an easy thing for me to think of really. It’s so easy to get burned out though, especially the more demanding and expecting people become. I was thinking that I’d finish through the summer and be done by next school year but that changed recently when I decided that I’m done at the end of February.

There are some really great homeschooling activities in this area but, naturally, most of them take place during the days during the work week. As you can guess the extra kids make that difficult, especially considering the fact that I only have 1 extra seat in my van. So this decision came partially because of our need to be able to be a part of those activities as well as general social activities.

Another reason though is the messes. We moved to a bigger house last summer to give us more space and all it really did was give more space for messes to be made and more impossible for me to keep up. It wouldn’t be so bad if I could convince any of them to help clean them up but those requests are frequently ignored and it doesn’t help when parents don’t encourage that either. That sounds bad. Ok, some kids are made to clean up after themselves at home but have figured out that if they stall until parents get here they can get up and leave it all and even when I say something the parents act like they can’t hear too. There are those kids though who aren’t made to do anything, it’s annoying.

One more month and then I go on to focusing on my kids alone and doing more needed activities. It’s a short month too.

Blackhillsmommy

“Go ask Dad.”

There. You now know what my favorite saying is these days.

It just rolls off my tongue and as the words flow so does my stress.

I’ve never counted how many questions I listen to in one day but there are some days when after every one of them, I get to say “Go ask Dad.”

With my husband’s work of traveling away from home for 4-6 days at a time, the kids are very used to me being the “go to mom”….for EVERYTHING. So my kids then require a little retraining every week when he returns home. It takes about 1 day to get them used to “go ask Dad” instead of hunting me down for every want, need, complaint, or tear.

My husband takes in all in stride too and jumps right back into being dad and answering questions, doling out punishments, and making decisions. It lightens the load on me.

Anyone else have a favorite saying you’d like to share?

Mom of 4

This is a huge time for me that only a mother who’s done something similar can understand. My youngest is almost completely potty trained, she wears a pull-up at night and only has occasional accidents when she’s too distracted playing and can’t get to the bathroom in time. I have not actually changed a diaper since some time around Oct/Nov though. She also has not had a single poop accident which is huge. As of the time she started training I had been changing diapers for 7.5yrs straight and a good portion of that was spent with 2 in diapers at a time so this is huge for me.