Spearfish woman chronicles ups and downs of weight loss surgery

By Lynn Taylor Rick, Journal Staff Writer | Wednesday, April 19, 2006

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SPEARFISH -- Despite complications that could have killed her, Sharon Neva has never regretted her weight lose surgery.

Still, the Spearfish woman wants people to have a realistic view of the procedure. To help potential WLS patients, Neva has written "Reach for the Stars: A Guided Journal for Your Weight Loss Surgery."

In the book, Neva tells her own story and outlines the basic facts about the surgery and its potential complications.

She hopes "Reach for the Stars" will help people to understand the challenges and triumphs that the surgery can bring.

"Some people may have an expectation that this is going to be easy," said Neva, who lost 130 pounds in 16 months. "It's not going to solve all your problems."

Neva's problems with weight began, as most do, in childhood.

Growing up on a farm near Nisland, Neva remembers that even as a kid, she saw food as comfort. She was given special desserts to celebrate accomplishments and still others to smooth over disappointments.

Although her own father and several uncles had weight problems, Neva's mother did not. Yet the family had eating habits - such as always dining on a sweet snack right before bed - that contributed to a steady weight gain for Neva.

In an engaging style, Neva writes in her book about the first time she realized that she was different from her peers. A bike ride to town ended when she couldn't keep up with the other kids.

It was the first time, but not the last, that she covered up the fact that her weight prevented her from doing things she longed to do.

Neva writes about growing up the fat girl in her Nisland class, learning to deal with the teasing and eventually passing up a college scholarship to marry a manipulative, abusive man.

Over the years, Neva tried every diet in the book, from Atkins to Weight Watchers, always gaining back the weight.

Eventually, Neva left her abusive marriage and dropped the weight for her sister's wedding.

For a brief time, she dated a man named Alan Neva. The relationship eventually ended, and Neva gained back her weight.

By the time the two reconnected eight years later, beginning a long telephone courtship, the 5-foot 2-inch Neva weighed nearly 250 pounds.

She writes in the book that she warned Alan over the phone that she had gotten fat. He told her he didn't care.

The two married in 2000.

Then living in Washington state, Neva says her husband never commented on her weight, accepting her as she was. But deep down, Neva never accepted her weight.

In 2001, she began exploring WLS after a co-worker underwent the surgery.

Alan's first response to the suggestion was adamant. "Absolutely not. You are not that fat," he told her.

Later, while attending a life enrichment class, Neva said she finally confided in Alan that her weight affected every aspect of her life.

"I had a heart-to-heart with him. I came clean on everything," she said.

She admitted that during a trip to Disneyland, she had steered him away from certain activities not because she was bored by them, but because she was too fat to do them.

For the first time ever, Alan admitted that during that same trip, he feared she might have a heart attack. "It was the first time he finally admitted there was a problem with my weight," she said.

Despite a price tag of $45,000 and an insurance company that would not cover the cost, the couple decided to go ahead with the surgery.

After obsessive research, Neva had the surgery done in June 2002 in San Diego, Calif.

At the time of the surgery, she weighed 247 pounds.

Although Neva understood there could be complications, she admits that she assumed it wouldn't happen to her.

She was wrong.

Shortly after being released from the hospital after her surgery, she was rushed to the emergency room in the middle of the night with a "kink" in her bowel. The life-threatening complication required another surgery and extended her recovery to four months.

Later, Neva required a third surgery to fix a hernia that was a result of the WLS.

A percentage of WLS patients develop something called dumping, which puts the body into a kind of insulin overload when high sugar foods are eaten. The result is stomach pain, nausea, diarrhea and lightheadedness, Neva said.

Neva developed dumping, which means she can never again eat the kinds of foods she once loved. She admits the loss was emotionally difficult at first but said she realized early on that without the dumping affect, she might return to her high sugar habits.

That's one point Neva makes in her book. Just having the surgery will not be enough. People must be willing to change their eating habits and make healthier choices, because not all WLS patients develop dumping syndrome.

"You can eat around it," she said, recalling a friend who had WLS and proceeded to regained 30 pounds. "You can have the surgery and gain the weight back."

In "Reach for the Stars," Neva writes hilariously about buying her first pair of pants in the "regular" size department. She writes about the joy of taking trips with friends and not having to ask an airline stewardess for a belt extender.

She also talks about the grief that comes from losing such an integral part of a person's life. "There is so much associated with food," she said. "It was frustrating not being able to have the pleasure of the food."

Throughout her WLS ordeal, Neva communicated with WLS patients and potential patients on the Web site www.obesityhelp.com.

One day, after answering nearly 100 questions posed to her on the Web site, Neva began putting her answers into book form.

The couple moved to Spearfish last year, and Neva worked steadily on "Reach for the Stars." She and Alan self-published the book, releasing it in December 2005.

While content with her choice to have WLS, Neva refuses to counsel others one way or another. From the price tag to the health risks, it's a decision that shouldn't be made lightly, she said.

She just hopes that "Reach for the Stars" might help people understand the options and make an informed decision. She also hopes that her own story might let people know they are not alone.

"It's not easy and it's not a solution in and of itself," she said.

Lynn Taylor Rick can be reached at lynn.taylorrick@rapidcityjournal.com or 394-8414.

Book available at area business

"Reach for the Stars: A Guided Journal for your Weight Loss Surgery," by Sharon Neva, can be purchased at Everybody's Books, 3320 West Main, Rapid City, and at Neva's book store in Spearfish, "Book Trader."