Dorothy Rosby: I'm suffering from freebie overload

| Thursday, May 24, 2007

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By Dorothy Rosby, Special to the Journal

Somebody keeps mailing me free razors.

Maybe they’re hoping I’ll start shaving my legs more often. They probably also think that once I have the free razors, I’ll buy the very expensive blades to go with them.

And they’re right — not about me shaving my legs more often. But I now have four razors and four packages of expensive blades. I just don’t know which blades go with which razor.

Razor blade companies aren’t the only ones giving me free stuff. And although I appreciate the thought — no wait! I don’t appreciate the thought at all. I want them to stop!

That includes the nonprofit organizations that send me umbrellas, greeting cards and fly swatters in the mail. I have so many address labels right now that I feel like I can never move.

I use the convenience of catalog shopping an average of once a year; I get a catalog in the mail an average of once a day.

My bank sends me a new plastic checkbook cover every time I buy checks. But I’ve been using the same leather checkbook for almost 20 years. I’d like to say it’s lasted because I haven’t written many checks, but I know it’s more of a tribute to the cow.

Occasionally, my family and I visit a fast-food restaurant where my son is given that bane of parenthood: the kids meal toy. Not only are we raising a generation of children who think they should get a toy with every meal, kids meal toys are taking over the planet — and my living room. And yes, I know I could stop eating out, but that would mean cooking.

Of course, in the name of convenience, businesses give us things we need, too. We just don’t need quite so many of them. (Also, “give” probably isn’t quite the right word.) 

For example, I use plastic grocery bags for trashcan liners. I use them as packing material. I give them to people who have dogs and I’m always grateful it’s them and not me having to use them. And still, I have a drawer full of grocery bags. If I buy that many groceries, why is there never anything to eat in my house?  

When I buy certain essential food items such as gallons of ice cream and whipped topping, I get sturdy plastic containers. These are handy for leftovers and will last forever — unless they get too close to the flame on my gas stove.

Of course, I don’t use the containers anymore, because I can buy empty plastic containers that are specifically designed for leftovers — but are equally vulnerable to the flame on my gas stove. Now, I have a cupboard full of both of them.

Every time I have dry cleaning done, I get a gigantic plastic bag and a new set of wire hangers. I have no use at all for giant plastic bags, especially ones with holes in both ends. And, although I do use the hangers, I now have more hangers than I have clothes — partly because hangers never stop fitting.

I have enough plastic drink cups from fast-food restaurants to host my entire neighborhood for iced tea. (And if I ever do, I’ll let them keep the cups.)

I do pride myself on the fact that I reuse one of them when-ever I buy a fountain drink at a convenience store. That way I’m not always buying bottles and cans. The fact that I rarely wash it means I’m saving water too.

It makes me wonder why we can’t reuse the rest. Couldn’t the dry cleaner use my old hangers? Couldn’t I bring my grocery bags back for refills? And why couldn’t I get a nickel deposit back when I return my margarine tub? I’d even wash it.

You can contact Dorothy at drosby@rushmore.com or go to www.dorothyrosby.com