Secrets of a long marriage

By Lynn Taylor Rick, Journal staff | Monday, February 25, 2008

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‘We never gave up’

John and Marie Honerkamp were married just 15 years when a construction accident paralyzed John at the age of 43.

At the time of the accident, the couple had eight children, the youngest just 3 months old. “She never remembers me walking,” John says of his daughter, Jody Honerkamp Jackson.

For the next 45 years, the couple relied on their faith in God and love for each other, as well as their children, to find a new version of happiness.

On Feb. 22, they celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary. “We never gave up. Either one of us,” Marie said.

John and Marie grew up as childhood friends in St. Louis, Mo. “He was my first date,” Marie said.

John moved to the Black Hills after serving three years overseas during World War II, and Marie eventually followed. The couple married in 1948.

“We got married in a monastery (due to a church remodeling project) where they never do such things … and then it was during Lent and it was on a Sunday and it was raining. All these are no-nos,” John recalled with a laugh.

Marie says John always joked that “We did everything wrong when we got married so I know it won’t last.”

The couple built and operated the Covered Wagon Resort in Piedmont, with John doing most of the construction himself. During one of those construction projects, a slab of concrete crushed John, paralyzing him from the chest down. He has limited use of his arms and hands.

John spent the next year at Fort Meade Veterans Administration Medical Center in Sturgis undergoing a series of operations while Marie and their oldest son, Bill Honerkamp, continued to operate the campground.

The accident definitely challenged the family but didn’t break it, said Marie. “We had a great love for each other and a faith in God.”

After John’s treatment, the couple continued to operate their campground for 10 more years. John went on to author a history book about Piedmont called “At the Foot of the Mountain” and co-authored with his son a series of books about wheelchair-accessible vacationing in the Black Hills.

John’s writing is just one of the positives that Marie believes resulted from his accident. “If he hadn’t have gotten hurt, he would never have done all that writing,” she said. “So it’s a blessing really.”

Both John and Marie tend to credit the other for surviving the accident and the 45 years since. “It must have been terribly hard for him,” said Marie, especially considering how active her husband was before the accident. Yet, Marie says he never wallowed.

As for Marie, John recalls the long hospitalization after his accident, when Marie was home with eight children and a business to run. “When I was in Fort Meade, it is about 15 miles from home here, and she came up every day. Every day, no matter if it was a blizzard or a storm. She came up every day,” he said.

Today, the couple’s eight children take turns living with them to help out, coming from all over the United States. “I don’t know what we would do without the family. I don’t know what we would do without these eight kids,” Marie said.

Despite everything life has thrown at them, the Honerkamps said they choose to see the good that life has given them, rather than the challenges.

“It’s been a pretty full and pretty happy life,” Marie said. “We’ve had a pretty good life.”

‘We’ve always tried to do things together’

A white swimming suit and a tan. That’s what Jack Cannon remembers most about the first time he saw his wife, Ruth.

“She was a pretty good looking gal,” he said.

The Cannons, who have been married 62 years, met as teenagers in Rhode Island. Ruth fondly recalls that her future husband worked part time in a grocery store and provided her with free cherries.

The two dated on Sundays and Mondays, which were the only days when Jack had a break from his job and school. “Then the war came along and I went into the service in 1942,” Jack said.

During a furlough in Jack’s five-year military stint, he took Ruth to a Red Sox game, where he popped the question. “She got her diamond in Fenway Park,” he said. Jack figured it a fitting place to propose since Ruth’s father named her after baseball great Babe Ruth.

The two married on Aug. 2, 1945, and have, by their own accounts, lived a happy life together.

Jack became a newspaper man, working in Lead and eventually at the Rapid City Journal. Ruth worked in banking. The couple never had kids but developed countless relationships with the children of friends and neighbors.  

The Cannons attribute the success and longevity of their marriage to several things, one of which is their mutual interests. “We’ve always tried to do things together,” Jack said.

For years, they regularly played golf together. Today, they walk together each morning. Even the household chores bring them together. “I’ve always washed the dishes. Ruth dries them,” he said.

Jack believes that learning to listen and respect each other’s views also has played a major role in their long marriage. “They say politics is the art of compromise. Marriage is the art of compromise,” Jack said.

Both Cannons agree that the era in which they grew up and married probably has helped in their marital success. They understand sacrifice and always have taken a conservative approach to money. It’s a lesson modern couples could probably benefit from, they said. “There’s the idea that we want everything and we want it now … we kind of acquired things as we could afford them,” Jack said.

Of course, sometimes, the success of a marriage rests on simpler things. Jack has an idea or two about that. “If I had any advice to a future bridegroom, it’s keep the bathroom clean,” Jack said.

‘It just seemed like we could agree on things’

Bob and Thelma Knutson invited their entire hometown of Scenic to their wedding. Most everyone came.

In fact, their wedding was such a treat for post-World War II Scenic that their church laid down new carpet just for the event.

The Knutsons married on Oct. 6, 1946. They will celebrate their 62th wedding anniversary in October.

The couple grew up on farms just three miles from each other near Scenic. Five years Thelma’s senior, Bob was out of high school before the couple began to date. Eventually, however, Bob was sent overseas to serve in WWII.

When he returned, Thelma had a different boyfriend, but Bob smiles when he says he quickly changed that. “I guess I stole her away,” he said.  

They lived and farmed near Scenic before moving to Rapid Valley in 1961. Both only children, the Knutsons had five children together, three of whom are deceased.  

Bob thinks one of the biggest reasons for their long marriage together is their similar backgrounds. “We are both off the farm and ranch,” he said. They understood the lifestyle and the sacrifices that needed to be made.

Thelma agrees. “It just seemed like we could agree on things.”

The couple liked to square dance, which they regularly did from 1959 to the 1970s, even attending festivals in Detroit, Denver and St. Paul. The dancing and other mutual activities forged a bond and gave them time away from children to reconnect as a couple, they said.

“He was always good to me …,” Thelma said.

Bob jokes, “We haven’t swatted each other around.”

The deaths of their children were some of the most difficult times of their marriage, but Thelma said their mutual convictions helped them deal with the deaths.  

“We have our moments when it really hits us … but I think what really helps us is to keep on with our schedules,” Thelma said.  

Thelma also believes that the couple’s belief system played a role in their life together. “I was brought up to believe once you make a commitment, it was till death do us part.”

‘We knew each other a long time’

A blue satin hat brought Tom and Pat Lane together almost 60 years ago.

Working as a speech therapist in the Rapid City area, Pat had suffered through a series of “dud” blind dates when a woman she had never met called on the telephone.

“I think I saw you in church. Were you wearing a blue satin hat?” the woman asked.

It turns out that the woman, Katie (Johnston) Kelly, was a childhood friend of a guy named Tom Lane. Katie wanted to set them up on a blind date.

Pat agreed and never regretted it. “He was good company and a good dancer,” she said.

“She was just a lot of fun — a nice beautiful gal,” said Tom.

Three years later, in June 1950, the couple tied the knot. She was 27 and he was 24. “Not too many marriages start with a blue satin hat,” Pat said.

The couple raised seven children together and will celebrate 58 years together in June.

Pat attributes at least some of the marriage’s success to the amount of time they took to get to know each other. “We knew each other a long time,” she said. “I think my mother thought, ‘Is she ever going to get married?’”

She also thinks their shared Catholic faith has played a role, although she gave it little thought when they first married.

Pat said the couple took advantage of every marriage and parenting class available, and believes those were critical in their happy marriage. “One thing I have been so fortunate in, Tom was willing to take classes,” she said.  

Since Tom was active in the National Insurance Agency, they were also able to use some of the trips and conferences to have time away from children. That was an important element in staying connected, they say.

Although both Tom and Pat worked at staying connected, they also strove to develop their own hobbies and activities. And as each one did so, they were careful to pitch in to help each other. “We’ve been supportive of each other,” Tom said.

Their son, Kelly Lane of Rapid City, believes his parents’ individuality has been a help in keeping them happy. “They’re very connected to each other. They’re very different people,” he said. “I don’t know what they’d do without each other.”

Kelly thinks perhaps the biggest compliment to his mom and dad is the relationship of their children. All seven are close. “Two of my brothers are my best friends in the world,” Kelly said. “That’s probably the biggest tribute to them.”

Contact Lynn Taylor Rick at 394-8414 or lynn.taylorrick@rapidcityjournal.com.