Domestic violence survivor puts face on issue

By Jomay Steen, Journal staff | Tuesday, October 21, 2008

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The first thing you notice about Erin Wilde, the female half of KRCS-FM's "Morning Fix with Spanky & Erin," is her diminutive size. Monday, in speaking about her recent past as a domestic abuse victim, she revealed an underlying strength that belies her size.

Wilde, 30, spoke on behalf of the thousands of housewives, mothers and women who are an episode of rage away from being battered or killed through domestic violence.

"I wanted to put a face out there of the women who are abused. If it helps somebody -- even one person to get help -- my pain was worth it," she said.

Wilde and others helped launch the 2008 Domestic Violence Awareness Week at an event outside of the Working Against Violence Inc. domestic abuse shelter at 527 Quincy St.

"Oh, definitely. It would have happened," Wilde said of the possibility of her losing her life to domestic violence. Wilde said she endured six years of escalating physical abuse by her husband before she grabbed her three children -- ages 2, 4 and 8 -- threw three suitcases in her vehicle and fled all ties to her Colorado home, marriage, job and church.

Cushioned by time, distance and local support, she could flash a wide, gap-toothed grin as she directed listeners to the corner of Sixth and Quincy.

WAVI staff members handed out flowers representing the 1,499 people who sought refuge from domestic violence and assault.

It was a way of focusing activities on the victims while educating the community on the goal to rid society of domestic and sexual assault, WAVI board secretary Kris Evans McKittrick said.

Rapid City Police Chief Steve Allender said law enforcement has created victim-centered investigations when responding to domestic abuse and assault calls. It is a big change from 10 years ago, when law enforcement focused on the abuser.

"But there's only so much you can do with a perpetrator. It is the survivor who needs the community's support and help," Allender said.

"We have to help in building an intolerance of domestic violence and domestic sexual assault," he said. "I can think of nothing more damaging to an individual's self-esteem than domestic abuse or sexual assault."

Officials believe many victims do not report their cases or seek help. Pennington County State's Attorney Glenn Brenner said some victims won't come forward because they feel they deserved the abuse, that if they report the abuse will be worse the next time, and that nothing will happen once it's reported.

Yet, he urged victims and those close to them to, "Report these crimes so that we can get a handle on them," he said.

Wilde said because of WAVI "I didn't feel alone. I got this complete new start ... and I got my life back," she said, her voice cracking. "I took this stand for me and my kids."

At the time that Wilde decide to flee, the beatings had escalated from hard slaps and punches to being choked and tossed across rooms.

At her last battering, her ex-husband held their daughter in his arms while he beat Wilde as her two little boys watched. He then took the children and left. Wilde called police, who recovered the children and returned them to her. Officers stood at her door as she packed the kids' clothes, then escorted her out of state as precaution to her ex-husband's rage.

She arrived at WAVI, where for the first time in years she could talk about her secret.

"It was like a huge embrace. They held me up," she said.

Contact Jomay Steen at 394-8418 or jomay.steen@rapidcityjoural.com.

Awareness activities

As part of the week of awareness, WAVI has planned the following activities:

- Today, Oct. 21, -- First Responders and Judicial Appreciation Day: WAVI staff will bake 80 dozen cookies, bars and baked goods to distribute to the many professionals who respond to domestic violence victims. 

- Thursday, Oct. 23, -- Survivor Appreciation: WAVI staff will honor survivors of domestic violence.

How you can help

Working Against Violence Inc. will accept donations of new or gently used clothing, furniture and toys from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. weekdays at the Cornerstone Mission Thrift Store, 401 11th St. Call 341-3292in advance to set a delivery time.

- Food donations -- cold cereal, fresh fruits and vegetables; gift certificates to local stores; and non-perishable items.

- General supplies -- blue or black ink pens, copier paper, envelopes (any size), ink cartridges (HP 56 & 57), pastel-colored paper and postage stamps.

- Personal grooming items, new only.

- Children's items -- Baby lotion, shampoo & bath soap, baby powder, baby wipes, diaper rash cream, diapers-sizes 4, 5 and 6, handheld electronic games, movie tickets, community event passes, portable cribs, single and double strollers.

- Shelter supplies -- Bath towels, washcloths, bleach, wood cleaner, laundry soap, paper towels, toilet bowl cleaner, toilet paper, glass cleaner, floor cleaner.

- Other program needs -- Cell phones, monetary donations, phone cards, and Rapid Ride city transit passes.