The "R word."

It's still a part of people's vocabulary and it's still hurtful and demeaning, friends and family of people with disabilities say.

The word "retard" has gotten plenty of press the last several weeks with the release of the comedy "Tropic Thunder," in which Ben Stiller plays an action movie star who once played a mentally disabled character. The actors use the word "retard" more than a dozen times in one scene.

Timothy Shriver, chairman of the Special Olympics, has said the word's use leads to suffering, injustice and exclusion, and advocacy groups have called for a boycott of the film.

Jason and Vanessa Herz of Rapid City say they don't have to go to a movie to hear that word and be hurt by it. Their son, 16-month-old Jackson, was born with Down syndrome, and while his diagnosis literally means he has a mental retardation, or cognitive disability, the word is often used out of context, Vanessa said. It's an insult and degrading.

"People are using it in the place of 'stupid,'" she said, "and that's what hurts."

Letta Flowers agreed. She is the mother of Kim Hettich, 46, who is developmentally challenged. Kim is married to Gary Hettich, 40, who has Down syndrome.

The word has been used inappropriately for years, Flowers said.

"People have always said, 'Oh, you're so retarded,'" she said.

She has several people in her family with disabilities and the word bothers her more now that it used to. Some people use it to be cruel, she said, and other people do it without knowing what they're saying. Either way, it's a negative.

"If someone walked up to Kim and Gary and called them that, I'd be the first one to be jumping all over them," she said. "I could probably find something unpleasing about them."

She is teaching her grandchildren not to even use the word "stupid," she said.

"If I hear it, I'm reprimanding them," she said. "I'm not even sure they know what it means."

Herz said that if people took the time to consider that what they're saying might be hurting someone else, it would be a different world.

"You never know who's in the next aisle," she said. "It feels like a punch in the gut every time you hear it."

Contact Kayla Gahagan at 394-8410 or Kayla.gahagan@rapidcityjournal.com.