My Great Uncle Charlie - the one we affectionately called Crazy Uncle Charlie or simply Zorro - was renowned for his tales that would be immediately dismissed if it weren't for the fact that he had throughout his life been a prospector for gold in Mexico, had a hit recording or two and once put his wife on the back of his Cadillac and drove really slow through downtown Duluth, Minn., with his wife waving as if they were in a parade.

One of the stories that has stuck with me the longest, though, is his tales from military service. I remember him telling me that he was stationed in Great Falls, Mont., and as part of cold weather training, had to learn how to deal with the elements in a way that even as a boy growing up in Duluth, I had trouble fully comprehending.

The one that always got me is he told me of spitting in the air and hearing the spittle crackle in the air as it froze before it hit the ground. Now that's cold.

So as I sit here and complain about getting ready for a week of cold that seems simply inhumane, I remind myself of my own childhood in Duluth, my Great Uncle Charlie's stories from military camp, and then I use the following information to remind myself: It could be worse. I could be living in Canada.

Hypothermia, here I come

The coldest recorded day in North America history was at Snag Airport in Yukon, Canada, more than 60 years.

Wilfred "Wilf" Blezard was one of four weathermen there on Feb. 3, 1947, when the temperature reached an official 81.4 degrees below zero. The amazing thing is, it was likely colder that day in areas close to the now abandoned Snag, but it was at the airfield that it was officially recorded, so that's where the record is.

Of Blezard's most interesting memories is that of the magnification of local sounds amplified by the severe temeprature inversion. He recalled, "When a plane flew over at 10,000 feet, it sounded like it was in your bedroom."

Also of interest was his recollection of tossing water into the air and watching it freeze into pellets before hitting the ground. I guess Charlie wasn't telling tall tales after all.

I wonder what the chamber of commerce has to say about this?

According to the Farmer's Almanac, the five coldest locations in the continental United States are Grand Forks and Fargo in North Dakota, and International Falls, Baudette and Hibbing in Minnesota.

Remarkably, International Falls - once the subject of a car battery advertising campaign that the Die Hard could even start vehicles in the ridiculous climes there - is so protective of its chilly reputation that it went to court (and won) to retain the city motto "The Icebox of the Nation."

Does that really help attract new residents to the northern bordertown? Or is that the idea?

What's the coldest spot on the planet?

I've seen "March of the Penguins," and I don't know if there has ever been as effective advertisement of moving to a more equatorial locale. I mean, seeing those penguins huddle up against the brutal winds, blowing snow and frigid temperatures makes me think that maybe animals that are dead set on living in Antarctica aren't meant for long-term survival. Of course, Mother Nature has proved the opposite, but still, it must be a Hobbs-ian sort of life, despite what the movie shows.

What's really remarkable is that the coldest recorded temperature is -129 degrees at a Russian weather station Vostok. Once again, though, researchers say the unofficial coldest day was in 1997 when temperatures dipped to an estimated 132 degrees below zero.

Let's get serious: Is there really that much difference? And how could you tell?

There's a reason they called it the Great Depression

Anyone who lives in South Dakota can tell you that the climate varies greatly depending on where you live. We here in the Black Hills enjoy the greatest variations, thanks in part to a weather pattern affectionately known as the Banana Belt (named so because of the shape of the weather pattern and not for any agricultural reasons).

But when it comes to the hottest temperature ever recorded in South Dakota, it belongs to an East River town, Gann Valley. On July 5, 1936, the temperature reached 120 degrees.

Of course, that was just a reaction to West River taking the lead in area generally reserved for East River towns - the coldest temperature ever recorded in South Dakota. On Feb. 17, 1936, the town of McIntosh reported a temperature of 58 degrees below zero.

In short, no air conditioning and lack of heating beyond wood chips would have made 1936 as perhaps the toughest year ever to be a South Dakotan.

Really, really cold on purpose

In 2003, MIT scientists achieved the coldest ever temperature - a half-a-billionth degree above absolute zero.

For those of you keeping track at home, absolute zero is about -460 degrees. That's the point at which all molecular motion stops.

My question is this: If there's a slight wind blowing through the experiment, what would the wind chill be?