RAPID CITY - Ben Ericks will turn 19 on Thursday.

It will be a bittersweet birthday because it will be the 19th anniversary of the day his mother, Melody Rindahl, then 22, was murdered.

Some would call Ben a miracle. The tall, strong young man, who hopes to play offensive line for the Chadron State College football team, was born six weeks premature when doctors performed a late-night emergency Caesarean section on his mother just before she died.

In a way, he lost both biological parents the day he was born.

His father, Randy Rindahl, 27 at the time, was arrested for Melody's death and later pleaded guilty to first-degree manslaughter and was sentenced to 90 years in the South Dakota State Penitentiary.

Melody's sister and brother-in-law, Patsy and Curt Ericks, took custody of Ben when he was released from the hospital at 23 days old. They legally adopted him about a year and a half later.

As Ben got older, Patsy said, she was honest about his story in terms appropriate for his age.

"You have to be," she said.

When he was 3, she showed him a children's video about what it means to be adopted. Patsy explained to Ben that his mother died and could not take care of him, so she became his mother.

Patsy still has a baby book that Melody started for Ben just before she died.

In the section that asked what the baby's mother hopes for him, she wrote "mainly just to be healthy and happy."

And that he is.

Today, Ben does not talk about his biological mother a lot. He is an average college-bound teenager who spends his free time being outdoors and hanging out with friends.

Ben will start college this fall with a tribute to Melody eternally etched on his arm.

Recently, while other customers at Thrash's Living Art Studio in Rapid City were getting tattoos of playing cards and bar scenes, Ben's left arm was tattooed with "Melody: 1966-1988," in memory of his mom.

Ben stayed calm as the tattoo needle penetrated his skin forming the cursive letters.

"I was ready for it now. I'm glad that I finally got it done," he said. "It feels good."

Patsy described Melody, the youngest of the four girls, as a cheerful, active young woman.

In high school, Melody was in cheerleading, chorus, Future Business Leaders of America and several other activities.

"She was involved in about anything she could have fun with," Patsy said.

Patsy said she, Melody and their other two sisters were raised in Mott, N.D. Patsy was already married and living in Rapid City when Melody moved to town to attend college.

"My parents thought she'd be safe because I was already living here," Patsy said.

Patsy sees Melody's bright smile fade as she looks through old photos of Melody's high school graduation, her wedding to Randy and family gatherings.

Patsy said when Melody started college, she got involved in activities like she had in high school.

Randy would sit out in the car and wait while she was at events at her sorority.

"He had to know where she was at all times," Patsy said.

Becky Meyers, a case manager at Working Against Violence Inc. in Rapid City, said domestic violence is all about power and control.

"It all starts out with control. Whether it's sexual, physical, … everything is based in power and control," Meyers said.

She said she sees domestic abuse take place with men abusing women, women abusing men and in homosexual relationships of both genders.

Still, young women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of relationship violence.

WAVI development director Mark Rambow said it is important to remember that domestic violence is not only physical violence.

Melody was in college when she met and started dating Randy, but Meyers said domestic violence can be present in relationships as young as middle-school age.

"It's starting as early as seventh or eighth grade," Meyers said.

Meyers runs the Healthy Relationships program in Rapid City schools to teach students what to look for in good relationships and how to watch out for warning signs in bad ones.

"There are often signs before the abuse begins that there's potential for abuse," Rambow said.

Patsy said after Melody and Randy were married, there were times her sister did not feel safe.

Melody left Randy a couple of times, but he always coaxed her back.

"When Randy wanted to make her stay, he'd pretend he was going to kill himself," Patsy said.

She said she believes that might have been how things started with the gun the night Randy shot Melody.

Patsy said a friend that Melody had talked to the night of the murder thought Melody and Randy had been fighting about money. Patsy said Randy had pawned off his recently deceased mother's wedding rings for cash to party, and Melody did not approve of him doing that.

Patsy said Randy had been out drinking and came back when the fight occurred. Her sister died kneeling next to the couch in the couple's apartment. Randy pressed a handgun to Melody's temple and fired.

A neighbor heard a loud bang and came outside the apartment building. Randy told the neighbor "Get help; Mel's hurt," and sped away on his motorcycle.

He was arrested later that night. Rapid City police shot him in the leg and chest, because during the arrest, he aimed a gun at officers.

He recovered from those injuries after a stay in the hospital.

Patsy said she will never forget the police coming to her home about 1 a.m. and talking to her husband outside about what had happened to Melody.

"He came back in and said, 'You've got to be strong,'" Patsy said. "I know now what it feels like to be in shock. You can't sleep, you can't get warm, you feel sick to your stomach."

Patsy said there were warning signs that her sister was in a violent relationship, but Melody believed she could help Randy. She believed that if she held on and loved him, everything would be OK.

"She wasn't the mousy girl so desperate for someone to like her that she'd go for some creep," Patsy said.

But Melody was the young woman who wanted to make people who hurt feel better.

"She was the girl who would take care of the bird with the broken wing," Patsy said.

Meyers said getting a loved one who might be in an abusive relationship out of that relationship is not easy.

"Be supportive of their decisions," Meyers said. "Because, in the long run, they're the only one who can decide whether to stay or go."

Meyers said friends and family need to keep an abuse victim informed about abuse and options available and be part of their safety plan.

That could mean helping the person get a protection order or doing something as simple as walking the person to and from his or her vehicle.

There was a history of domestic violence in the Rindahl family. In fact, just a few months before Melody was killed, Randy's mother, Zoeanne Wiese, was shot to death by Randy's stepfather, Gordon Wiese, in their Rapid City home.

Wiese was sentenced to prison and died in 1999 in the state penitentiary.

Meyers said that although children who grow up witnessing domestic abuse may be more likely to abuse, that is not always the case.

Children in families with no abuse can grow up to be in abusive relationships, and children in abusive families can grow up to have perfectly healthy relationships.

"Just because a child ends up in an abusive relationship, it doesn't mean the parents were abusive," Meyers said.

Meyers said many times, victims of domestic violence stay in relationships because they are afraid of what their partner will do if they try to leave.

"The most dangerous time ever in a relationship that involves violence is the moment you leave it," Meyers said.

She said watching out for some of the warning signs can help get someone out of a relationship before those characteristics escalate to violence.

They include a partner having major mood swings that come and go within minutes, a partner not wanting his or her boyfriend or girlfriend being around other people, someone putting his or her partner down and someone having to know where his or her partner is every moment of the day.

Patsy said she hopes other women will learn from the tragic death of her sister and get out of abusive relationships before it is too late.

Contact Katie Brown at 394-8318 or katie.brown@rapidcityjournal.com